Why Calling Your Staff a “Family” is Not Helpful
I’ve lost count of how often I’ve heard pastors or organizational leaders say, “Our staff is great—we’re like a family.” Every time I hear this, I cringe. Friends, let me be clear: I believe comparing your staff to a family is a mistake that can have painful consequences for the culture of your team. This email makes the case that we genuinely don’t treat staff and co-workers like family, and doing so will invite unneeded challenges.
#1 You Would Never Fire a Family Member
Sure, there are times my wife might wish she could fire me, but no matter how messy things get, family is still family. You don’t fire family members. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said about staff. I’ve seen countless churches hold on to staff members months, sometimes years beyond what was healthy and helpful. The reason? They’ve blurred the lines between staff and family, creating an environment where removing disruptive or unproductive employees is nearly impossible.
#2 Families Don’t Have Performance Evaluations
I recommend that every staff member receive regular evaluations, including weekly or monthly intentional check-ins with their supervisor and annual written performance assessments. If your staff is not receiving evaluations, you miss an opportunity to memorialize affirmations and concerns and provide tangible growth opportunities. If you genuinely treat staff like family, evaluations can be complicated, full of unspoken expectations, or damaged when you are critical. While you would never sit your children down each year to discuss a written review of their performance and growth opportunities as family members, doing precisely that is a well-supported best practice in staff leadership.
#3 We Don’t Provide Family Members Merit-Based Increases
While changes in the cost of living must be considered, another best practice in staff leadership is for raises to be largely merit-based. When you turn your staff into a “family,” it becomes challenging to reward those who exceeded expectations with larger increases than those who met expectations or failed to meet expectations. The consequences are demotivated high performers and an increased risk of them moving on along with continued enablement of low-performing employees.
#4 Boundaries in a Family Are Different
Your intimacy and commitment level with a spouse, child, or parent vastly differs from that of a co-worker. Blurring these lines sets up unhealthy expectations. I’d drop anything for my child at any hour of the day, but it’s unreasonable to expect that same level of availability from colleagues. Treating co-workers like family erodes the work-life balance and creates an environment where not everyone feels comfortable having the same level of intimate bonds as a family.
A Better Approach
We must foster a positive, collaborative, and supportive work culture as leaders. On the surface, referring to our staff as a family might seem like a good start. But as I shared, doing so can undermine our goals.
I recommend using Team.
It conveys respect and honors our vital relationship with our staff and co-workers.
Creating a healthy staff culture involves a commitment to clear policies, professional development, effective performance improvement plans, and equitable salary structures. These practices foster an environment where employees feel valued and respected—not because they’re considered family but because their professionalism and contributions are recognized and rewarded. The words used to describe our professional relationships matter deeply; choose wisely.
